A reporter was interviewing Jack Nicklaus.
He said, "Jack, you are spectacular, your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course. What is your secret?"
     To which Jack replied, "The holes are numbered!"


     Father O'Malley was playing golf with a parishioner.  On the first hole, he sliced into the rough. His opponent heard him mutter "Hoover!" under his breath.
     On the second hole, the ball went straight into a water hazard. "Hoover!" again, a little louder this time.
     On the third hole, a miracle occurred and Father O'Malley's drive landed on the green only six inches from the hole! "Praise be to God!"
     He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved around the hole instead of going in. "HOOVER!!!!"
     By this time, his opponent couldn't withhold his curiosity any longer, and asked why the priest said "Hoover."
     The Father replied "It's the biggest ... dam I know."  


    There are several men in the locker room of a private club after finishing 18 holes.Suddenly a cell phone that was on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:
     "Hello?" "Honey, It's me."
     "Sugar!"
     "Are you at the club?"
     "Yes."
     "Great! I am at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat... It is absolutely gorgeous!!
     "Can I buy it?"
     "What's the price?"
     "Only $1,500."
     "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..."
     "Ahhh and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 at a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."
     "What price did he quote you?"
     "Only $60,000..."
     "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
"Great!, before we hang up, something else..."
     "What?"
     "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and ... I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year ... it's on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, tennis court, acre of park area, beach front property..."
     "How much are they asking?"
     "Only $1,450,000... a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..."
     "Well, than go ahead and buy it, but just bid $1,400,000. OK?"
     "OK, sweetie... Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"
     "Bye... I do too..."
     The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present: "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

     Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
     "How was he killed?", asked the first detective.
     "He was shot with a golf gun," replied the other.
     "A golf gun? What's a golf gun?"
     "I don't know, but it sure made a hole in Juan."


Two golfers are waiting their turn on the tee when a naked women runs across the fairway and into the woods.
Two men in white coats and another guy carrying two buckets of sand are chasing her, and a little old man is bringing up the rear.
     One of the golfers grabs the old man and says, " What's going on?"
     The old guy says, "She's a nymphomaniac from the asylum, she keeps trying to escape, and us attendants are trying to catch her."
     The golfer says, "What about the guy with the buckets of sand?"
     The old guy says, "That's his handicap. He caught her last time."

     Great Grandfather had been playing golf whenever possible for over 78 years.  Today had been no exception, he was out early and played his 18.  Directly after golf he attended his great, great grandson's wedding.
     During the wedding reception, he was conversing with his great, great grandson, giving advice on having a happy marriage and a great life.
     After a while the young groom said "Grandfather what's it like making love when you reach your age."
     And he replied, "Well, its kinda like putting with a rope."