GolfestOnline.com
The Quest to Play the Top 100 Public Golf Courses in the United States
#10... A below par performance is considered damn good.
#9... You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.
#8... It's much easier to find the sweet spot.
#7... Foursomes are encouraged.
#6... You can still make money doing it as a senior.
#5... Three times a day is possible.
#4... Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you play with someone else.
#3... If you live in
#2... You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.
And the NUMBER ONE reason why golf is better than sex.....
#1... When your equipment gets old you can replace it!
Here is an interesting letter ...
Dear Family and Friends,
You may not know it but I have been very busy over the past two years putting my thoughts and ideas together in a book about Golf.
I am very proud of the results and in order to market the publication, I am asking friends and family to be the first to own a copy. Here is the Table of Contents from my new book: "Winning Golf Strategies," which I believe gives the reader valuable playing tips and inside information that I have gained through my own years of experience in the game and observations of golfing partners and what improved their games.
Table of Contents:
Chapter 1 - How to properly line up your fourth putt.
Chapter 2 - How to hit a Titleist from the rough when you hit a Maxfli from the Tee.
Chapter 3 - How to avoid the water when you lie 8 in a bunker.
Chapter 4 - How to get more distance off the shank.
Chapter 5 - When to give the ranger the finger.
Chapter 6 - Using your shadow on the greens to distract your opponent.
And the remaining Chapters:
Chapter 7 - When to implement Handicap Management.
Chapter 8 - Proper excuses for drinking beer before 9:00 a.m.
Chapter 9 - How to urinate behind a 4" x 4" post undetected.
Chapter 10 - How to rationalize a 6-hour round.
Chapter 11 - How to find that ball that everyone else saw go in the water.
Chapter 12 - Why your spouse doesn't care that you birdied the 5th.
Chapter 13 - How to let a foursome play through your twosome.
Chapter 14 - How to relax when you are hitting three off the tee.
Chapter 15 - When to suggest major swing corrections to your opponent.
Chapter 16 - God and the meaning of the Birdie-to-Bogey three-putt.
Chapter 17 - When to re-grip your ball retriever.
Chapter 18 - Use a strong grip on the Hand-Wedge and a weak slip on the foot-wedge.
The Final Chapter is best:
Chapter 19 - Why male golfers will pay $7.00 a beer from the Cart Girl and give her a $3 tip, but will balk at $3.50 at the 19th Hole and then stiff the bartender.
Hopefully you will find my book intriguing and purchase a copy.
Thank you,
P.S. As a preview here is one of the insights from the book...What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A bad golfer goes, WHACK! "Damn." A bad skydiver goes, "Damn." WHACK ...
Golfer: Notice any improvement since last year?
Caddy: Polished your clubs, didn't you?
Golfer: Why do you keep looking at your watch?
Caddy: This isn't a watch, sir. It's a compass.
Golfer: The doctor says I can't play golf.
Caddy: Oh, he's played with you, too, huh?
'Caddy: Why didn't you see where that ball went?''
''Well, it doesn't usually go anywhere, Mr. Smith. You caught me off guard.''
Top Ten Caddy Comments
Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"
Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."
Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually."
Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."
Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction."
Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."
Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."
Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?"
Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."
Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."
Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."
A guy goes golfing with his girlfriend. As he tees off, she steps into ladies' teebox and gets hit in the head with his drive. She is pronounced D.O.A. and taken to the morgue.
The coroner calls him in and says, "She definitely died from a blow to the head caused by the golf ball. But the only thing we can't understand is why was there a golf ball in her rectum?"
"Oh," he replies, "that must have been my mulligan."
Why do women like making love to Greg Norman, the Australian golfer?
Because he always finishes second!
Tiger Woods was traveling through rural Kentucky in his new Mercedes. He stopped at a small gas station and asked the mechanic if he could get his oil changed.
"Why sure," the mechanic said, not seeming to recognize the golf star.
About thirty minutes later the oil change is complete. As Tiger started to back the car out, the mechanic noticed some buttons on the dashboard and asked Tiger what they were for.
Tiger looked down at the tees on his dash and says, "Those are what I set my balls on."
The old man replied, "Boy oh Boy, those Germans think of everything, don't they!"
An American businessman is on a business trip in Japan and hires a hooker. The whole night, this Japanese hooker keeps screaming: "Hoshimota! Hoshimota!" He can't quite remember what the word means, but he's sure he's pleased the hooker to best of his ability.
The next morning, he goes to play a game of golf with his Japanese business partner when he makes a hole-in-one. Everyone is congratulating him in Japanese and he can't think anything to say but "HOSHIMOTA!"
Concerned, his partner turns to him, "What do you mean it's in the wrong hole?"
A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. When he finally gets himself to the doctor, he says," How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancee is still a virgin in every way."
The doc said , "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week." So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little four-sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries, and on his honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he had seen them. She says, "You'll be the first, no one has ever touched these breasts."
He whips down his pants and says, "Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"
